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How to Date After Divorce or Death

older couple on coffee date, who met on a dating site

Dating again can be daunting for a divorced or widowed person.

As a senior, there is a good chance you have lost your partner to divorce or death and find yourself back into the dating pool at an older age. In a way, this is more difficult than it was when you were dating as a teenager. Back then, you didn’t know what you wanted out of life so everything was an adventure. You had the rest of your life ahead of you so it didn’t matter so much if you didn’t find the right guy or girl right away.

As a senior things are completely different. You’re probably not as adventurous as you used to be and most people are set in their ways. You have lived a certain way for many years so you don’t want to change to be what someone else may want but if you don’t, you may be worried that you won’t find someone who is truly interested in you.

You also don’t have as much time as you used to and therefore, you don’t want to waste time with the wrong person. These things make it harder to date after divorce or death of a loved one. You may also hesitate getting back out into the dating game because you’re afraid you won’t find someone you’re compatible with.

After spending a long time with one person, you get into a routine and all of that’s going to change when you start dating someone else. Even if you like the same things, it doesn’t mean that you’ll be doing them the way you’re used to and that is a little scary for anyone.

The good news is that there are tips and suggestions that can help make dating after divorce or death much easier. Applying these tips will help give you confidence and make the experience more fun and exciting, the way it used to feel years ago.

Don’t Rush Things

The first thing that you need to do is take some time to heal from your loss. If you lose someone that you love and that you’ve been with for years, it’s going to hurt and you need time to get over that person. Jumping right out into the dating world before you have time to heal is setting yourself up for disaster.

If you’ve gotten a divorce after years of marriage, you’re going to have a lot of resentment for that person especially if you’ve spent a lot of years together. You may feel like you gave that person the best years of your life for nothing. Trying to move forward when harboring these negative feelings is not going to work. It will be hard to trust anyone and you may even begin to resent them even though they’ve done nothing wrong.

Take Time for Yourself

Once you’ve began to heal from the divorce or death of a loved one, you need to take some time for yourself. Get to know the real you, not the person you became for your partner. You may be exactly the same but some people discover that they want to do things differently, that they just fell into a routine with their partner because they were together so long.

Take time to discover new hobbies and learn what makes you truly happy and go from there. For example, do you like going to bed at a certain time each night or watching the same TV show every night or do you do it because it’s a habit? Have you always wanted to change your eating habits but it was too difficult if you had to cook for someone else or if they cooked for you? Do you need to begin an exercise routing to help improve your health? Now is the time to do all the things you always wanted to, but never could.

Have an Open Mind, Consider Dating Online

There are a lot of different personalities in the world and you need to have an open mind when you get back in the dating game. You are not going to find someone just like the person you loved and lost and that might be a good thing. However, if you’re searching for a specific type of person and you’re not willing to compromise or date someone that is different from what you expect, you’re going to have problems.

This doesn’t mean that you should compromise your values. It just means that you should set realistic guidelines and look for someone that meets your critique but don’t go overboard.

Not only do you need to have an open mind when it comes to who you date, you also need to be open to new ways to meet other people. Things have changed a lot through the years and if you’ve been out of the dating game for a long time, you may find it difficult to meet others. One of the best ways for seniors to meet new people is to use a senior dating site.

Many seniors laugh at the idea and say they would never do that but why not give it a try? What do you have to lose? As long as you use a reliable dating site and learn ways to stay safe when meeting others and providing personal information, it’s a great way to meet many new friends and you just may find that one person that you want to get to know better.

Let the Past Go

One of the hardest things to do as a senior is to let the past go especially if you’ve spent many years with someone. The funny thing is that it doesn’t matter what type of relationship you had, it’s still hard to let go of it. If you had a long, loving relationship with someone and you were very happy together and you don’t let go of the past, then you’ll never be happy because you’ll never find anyone to fill those shoes. You will always be comparing the people you meet to that person and no one will be good enough.

On the other hand, if you had a bad relationship that finally ended in divorce and you don’t let go of the past, you’ll always be worried that anyone you meet will be the same way. You’ll be afraid to make a commitment or even to give anyone else a chance because on some level, you’ll be afraid that it’ll turn out the same way and that’ll you’ll never be happy.

You also don’t want to talk about your past relationship when you’re getting to know someone else. This is your time together when you’re getting to know each other and not the time to talk about the life you used to have. There will come a time when you’ll sit down together and talk about your past partner whether it was good or bad but when you’re first getting to know someone is not the time.

Always Be Honest

It can be tempting to bend the truth a little especially when you’re meeting others through an online dating site. You may want to use that picture taken 10 years ago because you looked great instead of a current one or you may be tempted to pretend to be a little more well off financially than you really are but don’t.

Always be honest and when you find someone that you hit it off with, it’ll be real. When you meet, you won’t have to explain that the photo was taken years ago or that you’re really just getting by financially. Instead, you can spend your time getting to know each other better and moving on with your new life and new love if the connection continues to grow.

When learning how to date after divorce or death, don’t be too hasty to find love. It will come in time but if you try to rush it just to fill a lonely heart, it can cause problems and you may not choose a good match. Learn other more constructive ways to deal with your loneliness and then when the right person comes along, you’ll be ready for them.

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